Divorced but not dead, yet.

Age Aint Nothing But A Number

Birthdays are a time for reflection. There were a lot of birthdays where I was depressed, angry and frustrated. I didn't like the state of my life and I felt like there was nothing I could do about it. This past year was the first time in a long time that I looked back and liked what I saw. Last year I turned forty. During that time, I started dating, started my podcast, picked up a lot of exciting hobbies, gained more financial stability, and became more comfortable in my skin. None of these things just happened. I worked to accomplish them. This year I learned you can make anything in your life better with effort. Also, I'm always going to be a work in progress and that's okay. Finally, getting older doesn't limit your ability to create the life you want. Instead of feeling anxious about getting older, I'm excited about what life has in store for me.
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You Are Worthy (Reflect and Replay)

In this week’s episode, I share my journey to rebuilding my confidence and discovering my self worth. Living through a bad relationship and going through a divorce really affects your confidence and challenges your self worth. I’ve learned that getting rid of negative self talk and replacing it with positive affirmations really helped change the way I felt about myself. Grab a piece of paper or some post-it’s and write down all the things that you love about yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and repeat them daily. It will seem crazy at first but eventually you’ll start to remember the amazing person that you are and realize what you deserve. You are worthy of a life filled with joy, peace and love.
“Worthy” by Jamie Kern Lima https://www.instagram.com/jamiekernlima?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Redefining Wealth Podcast with Patrice Washington https://www.instagram.com/seekwisdompcw?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
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The Ring Don’t Mean A Thing

Just like most young girls who grew up on Disney movies, I couldn't wait for my Prince Charming to come into my life. The day that my ex-husband proposed was one of the happiest days of my life. I have been chosen! I was no longer a girlfriend honey, I was a Fiancé and soon-to-be wife. I wore my ring with pride. I looked down at it, and it reflected back to me the love I'd been waiting for. Then life happened, and that same ring became a reminder of the disappointments, hurt, disrespect and heartbreak. Eventually, I stopped wearing my ring and until recently I hadn't thought about it. Funny how something at one time meant so much can now mean so little. On this part of my journey I'm trying to decide what to do with it. Right now, letting it go and using the money to treat myself is looking good. Connect with me on Instagram @Divorcednotdeadyet https://www.instagram.com/divorcednotdeadyet?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr As mentioned in this episode https://www.instagram.com/wearesoworthy?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

Clothesless and Wigless (REFLECT AND REPLAY)

This week I decided to rerelease one of my first and favorite episodes. It's important to go back to laugh and reflect on my journey in order to see how far I have come and how far I have to go. In this episode I discuss my journey from fear to freedom. Sometimes we need a little push to get over our fears. For me, my first push came from becoming a mother. My second push involved me naked in public minus my wig! I’ve learned that change and growth can come out of necessity or sheer embarrassment.
Connect with me on Instagram @Divorcednotdeadyet
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Saying “I’m fine” and Actually Meaning It

How many times have you answered "I'm fine" when someone asked how you were? You said you were fine, but you were far from it. Why do we do that? Why do be pretend? I spent the majority of my life being dishonest with others and being dishonest with myself. I realized that my goal going forward is to create a life for myself that when someone asks me how I am, I can actually say "fine" and mean it and if I'm not fine I can be honest and not pretend. I've learned that there will never be a time when everything in my life is "perfect", but practicing mindfulness and gratitude will help me stay focused on what I have and help me manage the things I can't control.
Connect with me on Instagram @Divorcednotdeadyet
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I Want A Peace Of Mind Not A Piece Of Man

Your peace is priceless. It took me years to learn that lesson. I spent years in a bad marriage, anxious, depressed and emotionally exhausted. It wasn't until I moved into my own space that I experienced peace for the first time in a long time. I realized that I was holding on to a 'piece of man', my ex. In exchange, I was giving up my peace and peace of mind. It wasn't worth it! Connect with me on Instagram @divorcednotdeadyet https://www.instagram.com/divorcednotdeadyet?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

Getting Through Valentines Day Divorced

It's Valentine's Day! It's that time when you are faced with a holiday that is all about love. It can be very triggering if you're in an unhealthy relationship, or you're alone. Everywhere you turn, you are being bombarded by how someone should be making you feel special or loved on this day and if you're in an unhealthy relationship, going through a divorce or single, that's probably not going to be your experience. Becoming consumed with the day and what it's supposed to represent can put you in a space of questioning if you're worthy or lovable, which could lead to feeling angry, sad and depressed. This holiday is a tough one for us on our divorce journey. In this episode I share my last four Valentine's Day experiences. There's no pain and loneliness like having a partner you love and Valentine's Day comes, and you're ignored. I realized that it was harder to experience this holiday unhappily married than happily divorced. How I've gotten through it is by staying off social media, spending time with friends on that day, and showing myself some love. Remember that it's just one day and you will get through it.
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People Pleasing Didn’t Save My Marriage

My entire life I've been a people pleaser. At the time, I viewed it as being selfless. I spent my life neglecting my wants and needs in an effort to make others happy. Of course, I brought my people-pleasing ways into my marriage. I thought that being "selfless" would get me the love and approval I craved. I found myself shrinking who I was, never saying no or holding him accountable. Eventually, I realized that I had to love myself more than I loved my partner. That being a people pleaser eventually caused me to not only feel neglected and abandoned by my ex, but also by myself. I wanted to be loved more than I wanted to be myself. That was true and that was a problem. Another hard truth is that doing all of that did not maintain my marriage. Through therapy and self reflection, I'm working hard to get rid of my people-pleasing ways to create the life I want and deserve. Connect with me on Instagram @Divorcednotdeadyet https://www.instagram.com/divorcednotdeadyet?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ%3D%3D&utm_source=qr As mentioned in this weeks podcast “Worthy” by Jamie Kern Lima https://www.instagram.com/jamiekernlima?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==

Release The Past To Embrace The Future

Sometimes we hold on to our past in ways we don't realize. I found myself holding on to two garbage bags of my ex-husband's things for two years! I'd convinced myself I was just procrastinating. I couldn't find the time to walk them 50 feet to the garbage can. I was lying to myself. Once I got real with myself, I realized that holding on to those bags was holding on to my past. How many of you are holding on to clothes, photos, jewelry? It's time to let it all go! We can't embrace our beautiful future until we let go of the pain and attachments of our past.
Connect with me on Instagram @Divorcednotdeadyet
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Do It Poorly

This week we discuss the concept of 'Doing it Poorly'. I learned that almost 85% of people quit on their New Year's resolutions on the second Friday in January, also known as, "Quitters Day". I've been one of those people year after year and I finally realized why. I put such high expectations on myself. Setting goals that were completely out of character or routine for myself. As soon as I wavered from this new and improved made-up version of myself, I used it as a reason to quit. Doing it poorly means just giving what you have for the task, even if it's a fraction of your original expectation. Instead of reading a whole chapter, read one page. Instead of exercising for an hour, commit to ten minutes. I've realized once I get started 'Doing it Poorly', I find the energy to complete my initial goal. Let's commit to creating the lives we want and deserve this year, even if it's one tiny step at a time.
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